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While I was in the shower this morning (this is where I do most of my thinking) I had a horrible thought. My posts as of late have been negative and not at all uplifting. I was thinking"if someone read this who did not know me, they would think I was a bitter, unhappy person. Then I thought, "what if Tracy was to ever read this...I doubt that would happen...but what if... she would think I hate her". That's the furthest thing from the truth. I am heartbroken, but not bitter. I have lost a daughter who I loved, my son has lost his wife, their children have lost their mother, Todd and Julie have lost their sister...and it goes on and on and on.
It made me think of how God must feel when we, as his children sin. If I, in my humanness can be so grieved and heartbroken, how much more is God grieved over my sin.
As a Christian, I am so grateful for God's promises. We all know them, we hear them and read them daily. I know God will not give us more than we can endure, but while we are going through these awful times, it doesn't seem to help as much as it should. Maybe my faith is not as strong as I thought it was?! Is this possible? I hope not.
My dear daughter-in-law, Julie gave me a stack of note cards with scripture verses on them. Three of the most comforting have been:
Psalm 62:5-6
Find rest, O my soul in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 39:7
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in You.
Hebrews 4:16
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in the time of need.
So...for any who read my little blog (I don't even know if anyone does read my little blog)...maybe I'm writing this just so I will feel better. And I do feel better. Wow! I just had an epiphany! There is only one letter that's different in the words bitter and better!
I am still heartbroken, but with God's help, my dear family will be ok. We have many things to be thankful for. Please continue to pray for us.
2 comments:
Cherie, this is Laina Elder - I don't know if you even remember me from Grace to You since I left to start having babies in 1999, but I will always remember you (and I will always remember crying to you and hugging you when we found out that our first precious son was on the way!). :) I found your blog through John Daley's blog links and I have been popping in for a few months, but I haven't yet commented because I'm usually only on the computer when I have a baby in my arms. :)
I just want you to know that I have been praying for Steve, the kids, and all of you. I have been praying that the Lord would mightily convict and save Tracy as well. My heart is so broken over this and each update chokes me up. I hurt for all of you, and feel especially tender towards Elizabeth and Jacob because my parents divorced when I was little and I hurt for them in having to deal with the kinds of things things that Tracy is doing. Sadly, the unsaved parent does not "grow up", at least in my experience (still dealing with it today), so I continue to pray for God's grace upon the entire family.
I praise God that He is in control, that He will comfort and take care of Steve, the children, and all of you, and that Steve has the children and vice versa.
My husband and I are both praying, and in a moment we will pray again about the hearing that will take place tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know that someone is reading often, and praying often as well.
Love,
Laina
Laina, of course I remember you. It's so humbling for me to think that anyone is interested in my little life. Thank you so much for your prayers. Just when I think I'm at a really low point, I come across something like your sweet note. I was reminded last night of a time when Patricia MacArthur had her car accident...family members were so upset...John walked in and the first thing out of his mouth was "God is Sovereign...if you believe that, then it's time to act like it!" Steve's hearing is this morning and I'm walking around saying "God is Sovereign". What a reminder to all of us. We are being asked to live what we believe. Wow...not only is God Sovereign, but He is truly amazing!
Laina, thank you for ministering to me this morning. Keep in touch and let me know how many little ones you have.
Blessings, Cherie
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